“Mr Gove And His Amazing Minefield Clog-Dance
I’d love to be a fly on the wall at Michael Gove’s next performance appraisal. I happen to have met a few of the senior whips at the conservative party and I can imagine one in particular, sitting back, making a steeple of his fingers and asking, with terrifying nonchalance “So Michael, what have we learned about two deeply unpopular ministers exchanging stupid ideas by non-secure memo on a slow news week?”. For a slow news week it is. One capsized cruise liner, a couple of cut and dried murders and the limited schadenfreude to be extracted from the French credit downgrade were never going to be enough to keep Govey off the front pages.
Or perhaps he’s getting a pat on the back for a PR masterstroke. “Well done” they’re saying. “Rather than draw attention to the fact that the majority of the front benches of parliament are made up of lawyers and bankers with massive stocks in the UK’s besmirched financial institutions, you’ve diverted attention to a pointless side argument about whether we need a royal family or not. You’re a genius. Have a promotion”. Alright maybe not.
Whatever the Tory grandees’ response, the really special thing about the story is not that everyone thinks Michael Gove is a bit of a loose lipped pillock. That story wouldn’t make an even page nib. No, the real treat is that somewhere deep in Buckingham Palace, a certain elderly woman is reading facebook and considering a status update along the lines of “If one still had the power, one would have a certain chap’s head in basket. LOFAO (NOT)”.
I was on Facebook too and thinking “Her madge is going to get the rap for this. The weasel turncoat of fleet street is going to get away with it again!”. (Many journalists have a problem with Govey. Standing on a picket line to demand fairer conditions for hacks then becoming a Tory MP is a bit like Spartacus giving up the revolutionary life and opening a crucifixion consultancy).
This morning’s trawl of the blogosphere, Twitter and Facebook confirmed my suspicions. I was half expecting to see questions like “Why is the man who said local authorities can’t have cash to plug the holes in school roofs suggesting spending outside his department?”. Or “Why do you think the Guardian’s got it in for a former leader writer and news editor of The Times?”. But no. What I got from my generally respected list of left leaning contacts was a wall of flippant, sarcastic and entirely predictable nonsense about someone they erroneously name “One of the richest people in Britain”.
I’m not suggesting her madge is struggling but the Queen doesn’t even make the top 20 of The Times’ loaded list. Messrs Abramovich and Branson peer down at The Queen from their lofty positions. At least one of them is a hot tip for president should the republicans get their way.
But the likelihood is they never will, and here’s why;
According to a recent Ipsos MORI poll 68 percent of the population are happy to keep the monarchy. The republicans only make up 22 percent of the remainder,(the shortfall presumably being made up by those who couldn’t care less). So the dear old roundheads are in a minority to start with.
The campaign for a glorious republic has gained exactly one percent on the royalists since 1969. If I were running a campaign with a success rate like that I’d be re-thinking my strategy. The problem is my liberal chums are quite happy to engage in complex and entirely rational discussions about the relative merits of the socialist agenda versus the callous cockpit of market driven capitalism. But when it comes to getting sidelined in the monarchy debate something snaps and they regress straight back to the school yard. It’s deeply depressing.
I’ll be honest, the moniker I write under is no coincidence. Other than an obsession with a certain nineties GM coupe, ‘The Wounded Cavalier’ refers to the fact that given the choice in the civil war, I’d have been wearing a nice big hat and staring at old warty face from the posh side of the lines. But even though I’m a royalist, I do like a good argument. Sadly I so very rarely see one these days. The last time was some years back. I was driving at the time and it’s hard to concentrate when you’re negotiating York’s one-way system.
So here’s a suggestion for the republicans; Instead of spouting ad hominem witticisms, and tackling the man, not the ball, come up with an argument. Actually tell me why this issue, not the economy being run by the banks’ major shareholders, not the preponderance of corporate lawyers in our house of representatives is the real thorny question to kick the week off with. Why when we’ve propped up failing institutions to the tune of hundreds of billions and then watched them pocket the profits do you quail at the thought of lending liquidity to a profit making family firm? In short, why can’t you talk like grown ups?
Incidentally I wonder if her majesty writes IOHO for “In one’s humble opinion”?”
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